Diatribe: Mercedes delivers early Christmas present

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I don’t know how long I’ve been an automotive journalist but I know it’s been awhile. Probably the first three or four decades were lost because of John Barleycorn, but however long it has been I’ve been bellyaching about the positioning of the cruise control stalk on Mercedes-Benz vehicles.

With its position above the turn signal arm it was really easy to engage cruise control rather than the right turn signal. This, in turn, created a sudden acceleration that could be catastrophic.

Criticism of this flaw has come from almost the entire auto journalism community and you can bet your lederhosen that we weren’t the only group to call attention to this. However, true to its Germanic stubbornness, Mercedes-Benz said it was something one had to get used to. The company said its studies indicated that was the best place for the lever because it is mandatory that hands be positioned at the 10 and 2 o’clock positions — even though now, what M-B meant to say, was the 9 and 3 o’clock positions. I’m sure the owners of smashed-up Mercedes disagree.

Therefore, you can imagine my shocked delight when I attended a ride/drive event for the 2012 Mercedes-Benz M-Class vehicles near Missoula, Mont., and during a product demonstration one of the Mercedes engineers mentioned the repositioning of the cruise control arm to its new home below the turn signal stick.

I had the spokesman repeat this bit of news twice because I couldn’t believe my ears. I wanted to pull out my flugelhorn and playing a Strauss waltz. I felt like a small child on the first day of Hanukkah. And then, as if to make the joy complete, this same presenter indicated that the cruise control stalks would be repositioned throughout the entire Mercedes-Benz line.

I suddenly felt like my life finally had meaning. Throughout my life I’ve seldom had people listen to me, be they children, employees, radar cops, etc. But in my own sick, twisted and tormented mind I now felt that a decade of criticism suddenly had bore fruit.

As my driving partner and I headed out to our vehicle for a several-hundred-mile trek through the Montana landscape, I let him drive first because I wanted to prolong the warm glow I was in from the product presentation.

So what’s the first thing this goof does? We’re driving down this beautiful, open highway and he goes to put the cruise control on — but he’s so used to the previous Mercedes cruise control arm that he turns the upper arm to the right and puts on the turn signal! (I don’t want to mention his name but you know who you are, Keith.)

I still don’t know if I’m a firm believer in Santa Claus, but I’m now a subscriber to the “Christmas in July” celebration, for it was in July that Mercedes-Benz first announced its gift to the world with the readjustment of the cruise control stalk. With this major obstacle removed the path is clear for Mercedes to finally become one of the world’s truly great luxury vehicles.

Al Vinikour is a Midwest-based freelance auto writer. Proving a mind is a “terrible thing to use” he sometimes sits in traffic and ponders about things — generally auto-related — that make him mad. Believing the “pen is mightier than the sword” (and generally results in a whole lot less jail time), he vents his anger through a word processor and produces the Driver’s Side Diatribe column. E-mail him at vinikour@comcast.net.