Diatribe: An open and shut case of automotive genius

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Updated: September 13, 2011 10:30AM

As an automotive journalist, industry observer and all-around nudge, I’m constantly looking for things to comment on (read, “complain about”).

This past week has given me all kinds of new material. Today’s topic is how far rear doors open. For all you Mensa applicants, another way of putting it would be to wonder how close to 90 degrees that door is going to expand.

What prompted this was my wife’s participation in our community’s semiannual garage sale that’s held in the spring and fall

Being the idiot husband, I’ve been tasked with “importing” potential sale items from my mother-in-law’s house and my daughter’s house. One of the items we’re trying to sell during this sale is a pre-lit Christmas tree. I went to pick it up in the press vehicle I’m evaluating — a very nice car. However, the rear doors open barely far enough to allow a fat person to get in or out of the backseat. Consequently, I couldn’t slide the box across the rear seat. Going through the trunk wouldn’t work either, because the trunk wasn’t deep enough and the slide-through top wasn’t low enough.

So we wound up getting my wife’s car to haul the tree. The door opened just wide enough to slide the box across the seat and crush both ends of the box when the doors were closed (causing little, if any, damage). This got me to thinking. Why can’t there be some standard degree to which rear seat doors open?

As mentioned, the closer to 90 degrees the better off the vehicle owner would be to accommodate people and stuff. The average car owner doesn’t need the 168 degrees that some pickups have implemented.

It would be awfully nice to be able to easily slide in and out of the rear seat of a Chevy Cruze without having to reverse-cocoon one’s self. This isn’t just beneficial for buffet eaters. Some people have really long legs or are just plain tall.

I know what you’re thinking; “Al, if doors opened 90 degrees, then how would it be possible for rear-seaters to get out of the vehicle in a crowded parking lot?”

Truth is, you have choices. Either DON’T open the rear doors all the way, find a wider parking space or look for a place where you can parallel park.

“But I’m no good at parallel parking, Al. What am I to do?”

If you can’t parallel park then Ford Motor Co. will provide you with a car that can and it will do so without ever putting a scratch on your vehicle or the other cars or trucks around you.

“But Al, I can’t afford a Lincoln or a Flex.”

If you can afford to bellyache to me about this problem, then you can afford a Ford Focus and you can get park-assist.

So you see, my dear readers, for every problem there is a solution. Put another way, for every door that shuts, another one opens – it just may not open 90 degrees.

Al Vinikour is a Midwest-based freelance auto writer. Proving a mind is a “terrible thing to use” he sometimes sits in traffic and ponders about things — generally auto-related — that make him mad. Believing the “pen is mightier than the sword” (and generally results in a whole lot less jail time), he vents his anger through a word processor and produces the Driver’s Side Diatribe column. E-mail him at vinikour@comcast.net.